A couple days ago, the news headlines were filled with something my now sensitive self dreads to read.
“Baby fed insecticide, dies”
“Crying baby poisoned by mom”
“Woman kills crying baby… injects her with poison to shut her up”
The reports stated that the 9-month-old baby began crying uncontrollably, her mother became frustrated and she fed her insecticide through a syringe.
A couple moments later, she found the baby unresponsive on the bed and called for an ambulance.
The mother confessed to the act and was arrested.
Postpartum depression
This story prompted outrage on social media, especially from fellow mothers – but it’s clear to see it was a case of postpartum depression.
Can you imagine what mental torment that mother went through to reach that point where she thought that poisoning her child was her best option for peace?
It’s only afterward it was revealed that the baby had contracted COVID-19 (something the mother would not have known previously) which most likely was the cause of her constant crying.
The big taboo
Postpartum depression (PPD) is something that is still considered taboo in our society.
It’s not recognized as being as severe as it actually is, which in my opinion is crazy since approximately 10% of mothers are affected by PPD.
As moms, there’s this unrealistic expectation on you to have everything under control at all times - even if you’ve just birthed the child.
Vulnerability
It’s no secret that the period right after a baby is born is a very vulnerable time in a women’s life.
You’re changing diapers constantly, feeding this very dependent newborn, and constantly fending off family members and friends who want to see the baby.
Additionally, you’re still healing as well, changing pads every couple of hours, dealing with blood stains on your clothes/sheets.
It can be a lot to handle all at once.
Covid babies
Now imagine dealing with all of this in the middle of a pandemic where, for the safety of yourself and your child, you’re required to stay at home in isolation the majority of the time.
It can lead to depressive thoughts, feeling like the world is unfair and doubting your capabilities to care for a whole baby; which leads some to do irrational things that they otherwise would not do.
I’ve seen how PPD can harm even the most organized, compassionate, “wouldn’t hurt a fly” mother (my mom being one of those persons).
Prioritizing mental health
So when I became pregnant, I gave my mental health utmost priority.
This carried over into my postpartum experience, especially since we’re in a pandemic and I spent the first five months after my daughter’s birth alone with her when my husband and mother returned to work.
Here are a few things that have helped me to stay afloat during the first couple of months after my daughter was born:
- Ask for help: Yeah I know you feel like you can do it all. You can’t. Ask for help and accept it when it’s offered. Don’t be like me; I had to burn to learn.
- Make time to get out the house: Visit friends/family and spend time with your significant other without baby. It will be hard the first couple of times but it will help tremendously to uplift your mood and feel like yourself again.
- Communicate to your significant other/close friend/someone you trust: Even though you may feel horrible about saying what’s on your mind, talk about your feelings. It helps to vocalize it and work it through with someone you love.
- Talk with other mothers: I absolutely loved speaking to other moms. I actually made a mom group on Facebook so we could share our experiences and learn from each other. It’s the greatest thing ever!
- Talk to a licensed mental health provider: I know there’s still a stigma associated with therapy but my psychologist helped me a lot during my postpartum. She reminded me constantly that I am human and actually taught me the importance of giving myself grace (being kind to yourself); something I always preach to fellow moms.
Self-love
I’ve heard a doctor say it takes approximately two years for a mother to properly heal (physically and mentally) after having a baby.
My daughter is now creeping up to her second birthday and in some ways, I still don’t feel like I’ve gotten myself all put together.
Either way, don’t wait until your tank is empty to then ask for help.
Pay attention to yourself, your emotions and especially your thoughts, and communicate with those around you.
