Sleep scoring is what happens when one parent can’t speak openly about their child-fueled sleep deficit without the other parent trying to even or one-up the score.
And it doesn’t matter what age your child is - parents can turn into sleep scorekeepers the minute they suffer a sleepless night.
But unsurprisingly, this can create real issues in a relationship.
Feelings of resentment
According to relationship coach and author Jocelyn Freeman, behaviours like scorekeeping can be exacerbated by fatigue and often stem from feeling resentment that your partner isn’t acknowledging your efforts.
Speaking to PureWow, Freeman explained: “When we begrudgingly bring up or compete about who slept more or less than the other, what we’re really saying is, ‘Do you see me, do you appreciate me and do you know how good you have it?’
"You and your partner are (probably) in it together and, while it’s not enjoyable, there’s shared sympathy."
But, she says, as time goes on and lack of sleep becomes normalised, there’s less acknowledgment and validation of the experience.
Active approach
And this is when couples need to be cautious and actively opt to take a better approach, like sitting down weekly to discuss each other’s wants, feelings and needs.
"Schedule it in your calendar and when sticky topics like sleep come up, instead of reactively expressing your frustration, try a more helpful format," Freelan suggests.
"Like ‘I have been feeling exhausted lately and waking up repeatedly, so could you handle the morning shift so that I can try to catch up? Or cover bedtime so that I can chill out/go to bed early?’”
