The key to raising a happy child is to allow them to be unhappy.
Sound counter-intuitive? Maybe, but it’s highly effective, says Tovah Klein, a child psychologist and author of the book 'How Toddlers Thrive'.
“We all think the way to raise our children to be happy is to make them happy. But in truth, children know how to be happy, to find joy. It is not an all-the-time feeling,” Klein, director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development, told CNBC Make It.
This is the key to raising a happy child
Parents often have trouble accepting that “children are allowed to be angry, sad, unhappy in some way,” she explained.
A fear of those negative feelings can lead to long-term behavioural problems, Klein says.
Kids can become ashamed of those feelings and have thoughts of self-doubt like, “I’m angry, I must be bad. There must be something wrong with me.”
When a child is upset, parents often instinctively look to cheer them up or distract them.
They might offer up treats or a trip to their favourite place.
And while Klein admits there’s nothing wrong with doing nice things for your kids when they’re unhappy, it doesn’t always address the source of what’s upsetting them.
Handling big emotions
You could ask an upset child to take a deep breath and attempt to put their feelings into words, experts say.
Or, acknowledge the child’s feelings, even if you have to stand firm.
"Assuming that their life is OK, they’re going to be happy."
Children who learn to manage their negative emotions effectively are more likely to develop the resilience they’ll need as a successful adult, research shows.
