As a mother, it's okay to not be okay

As a mother, it's okay to not be okay

World Maternal Mental Health Day has been celebrated on the first Wednesday in May since 2016.

The intention of this day and month is to raise awareness of the mental health needs of pregnant and new mothers.

Research indicates that 1 in 5 women may experience mental health concerns, however these concerns are often not addressed or detected during or even after pregnancy.

As such, a mother may be experiencing a mental health crisis with little to no intervention or treatment.

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Let's be honest, mental health is still a taboo topic in the Caribbean so when we add pregnancy and postpartum in the mix, it is often not openly discussed or acknowledged.

As a mother, it's okay to not be okay

It still surprises me how many women admit they had thoughts of harming their baby or themselves, or could not get out of bed most days but then say, "that’s normal" or “I’m good now.”

This narrative must stop because as a mother it's okay to not be okay.

There are typical and expected challenges and changes a pregnant or new mom will face, but women need to be empowered and educated about what is normal versus not normal without feeling guilty about stating their current thoughts and feelings.

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Asking for support or therapeutic help is not a sign of weakness.

What a mother may further experience is being shamed for expressing her challenges as well as fears.

As a community, we need to listen more and judge less. Just because a woman is pregnant or has a baby does not mean that she is automatically deemed to be happy or grateful.

Her feelings should not be minimized or dismissed.

Lasting affects

The difficulty in women not being screened for mental health disorders is that, if left untreated, there is potential for a mother to be a threat to herself, newborn and family.

There can also be lasting effects on how a mother parents or bonds with her child.

Moms are sometimes warned that they may experience the baby blues, and have an idea of postpartum depression, but screenings are often not conducted as a part of your check up or follow up.

And as a new mom, you are so overwhelmed that you may not recognize anything is wrong.

If any of the following symptoms persist for longer than two weeks, are impacting your day to day life, or are causing distress, you should talk with a health professional immediately:

  • Increased heart rate or heart palpitations
  • Nausea or stomach aches
  • Being unable to breathe or feeling short of breath
  • Loss of appetite
  • Trouble sitting still
  • Muscle tension
  • Emotional symptoms
  • Inability to relax or keep calm
  • Racing thoughts, especially about worse-case scenarios
  • Obsessing over irrational fears or things that are unlikely to happen
  • Difficulty focusing or forgetfulness
  • Irritability
  • Feeling on edge or fearful
  • Behavioural symptoms
  • Avoiding certain activities, people or places
  • Being overly cautious about situations that aren't dangerous
  • Checking things repeatedly
  • Being controlling
  • Feelings of sadness
  • Feeling disconnected from others, including the baby
  • Feelings of hopelessness or low self-worth
  • Feeling irritable, angry, or on edge
  • Difficulty coping
  • Difficulty with sleep beyond what is expected for pregnancy or new parenthood
  • Changes in appetite or weight fluctuations beyond what is expected for pregnancy or the postpartum period
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that typically bring joy
  • Thoughts of harm to self and others, including baby.

Coping mechanisms

To help cope try to:

  1. Manage your expectations:During pregnancy and after giving birth. It is a huge physical, emotional and mental transition, so be patient and kind with yourself. Give yourself grace. You will figure out your own way to be a mother.
  2. Think about your lifestyle: Eat well and get active. Taking a walk outside can do wonders. Rest as best you can and take that shower! Prioritizing your health can only benefit you and baby.

As a mom, the journey can be a beautiful one, but you are deserving of having a voice and seeking the support you need.

You got this mama!

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